Wednesday, January 04, 2006

Be strong, be wrong

Last night we were listening to AC/DC's "Thunderstruck", which we are prone to doing, mostly because it's the White Sox theme song and exciting pre-game intro music, but also because it pretty much kicks some major ass. Ask Mac, Jurko and Harry. About halfway in to our listen, we realized it might just be another wrong song!

You know wrong songs, right? Something in the lyrics is a mistake or just doesn't jibe with reality. Our favorite wrong song, of course, is wrong song numero uno "The What" by Notorious B.I.G. Biggie is laying down post-structuralist discourse on the nature of his, uh, manhood, and spits this timeless refrain: "Honies feel it deep in they placenta." Which is interesting, if you know much about anatomy. If Biggie were alive today, we'd politely explain to him that women don't really have placentas very often. Like only when they great with child. We would further ask him if he is really into pregnant honies. Not out of the question, but maybe a little strange. Honestly, it's a fetish we share. Biggie, we sincerely hope this wish of yours came true at some point during your brutally shortened life! We hope you tore that placenta up, chief.

We know if we did lay any of this honkie gibberish oh him in real life Biggie would tell us to shut the fuck up and clean the Cristal off his pinkie rings and we would be all like yes sir, right away sir. He would then tell us to read John Updike's Couples because at one point Updike compares a woman's recently fucked vag-unit to a kitten lapping up milk which is so heavy image-wise it could crash through the earth from Brooklyn all the way to China or some shit any day now. We say fuck John Updike! (Sasha! We know you are the hard rhymer and can bring all kind of heavy manners up in this. Please refrain from mentioning our existence at the next New Yorker office potluck. BTW, we hear Roger Angell makes a fab trail mix. Give him a headrub from us and tell him we're waiting anxiously for the new baseball tome.)

So you can't get actually struck by thunder. But you can be thunderstruck by relevation. So, is the rest of world wrong? Just AC/DC? Or only us? Is this truly a wrong song? Help us decide. Not being sure is killing us. Oh, and if you have wrong songs of your own, please send them to us with sample lyrics and we will post the best of them here. C'mon, all you rock critics crawling around like pubic lice. We see you out there!

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WoundUp Corp. said...

okay. you mentioned mac, jurko and harry before i did. now i can use it, too. did you catch their dead pool predictions for 2006 yesterday? in which 2 of them picked aging ESPN analysts to die this year? analysts they frequently have on their show?

WoundUp Corp. said...

here's a mundane one, tho it became amusingly fictionalized. how about a young Michael Jackson asking us to "just look over your shoulders, honey" on "I'll Be There" _ which nearly prompted an ass whipping by father Joe (and intervention by Barry Gordy) in the popular Jackson biopic. Joe Jackson knew correctly that you can only look over one shoulder, unless you are an owl.

stark pimp said...

"Africa" by Toto:

It's gonna take a lot to drag me away from you
There's nothing that a hundred men or more could ever do
I bless the rains down in Africa
Gonna take some time to do the things we never had

Gets me everytime.

Jennifer Waronker said...

JRN, it's not my business, but after reading this here blog of yours, it seems like you probably need to have sex soon, darlin.'

Because almost every entry mentions ladies or ladies' bodies.

I'm going to stop here before I say something truly offensive.

Jennifer Waronker said...

Oh, and? Most Big Star lyrics seem sort of wrong. Like they don't fit together or the wrong words are used. If it weren't 11:54 (early morning when one is on vacation), I could probably give a good example.