Thursday, December 29, 2005

But the blood has stopped pumping and he's left to decay

Do Yourself A Favor Dept. Memo #8

Right now we are listening to Rinse FM, London's great pirate radio station. Link to your right. Go ahead. We'll wait for you to turn them on and come back. You need to flash up your work day, dun. When this sweet science starts spewing from those work computer speakers you never turn on, heads will roll. The office will turn into a spliff-hazed London high-rise flat before your eyes!

The song playing currently sounds like 5 minutes solid of that cool as hell noise the Transformers used to make when they changed from trucks into robot killing machines. Can you top that, fucksock? No. There are two genres of music on Rinse, for the most part. Grime and dubsteptechgrind something or so such. We aren't real sure the name of the genre, but it's instrumental dubby type shit. You'll love it. Tastes like chicken (and pussy). The group shows are amazing. When the Roll Deep crew steps up and 10 MCs start spitting real hard its total black steel in the hour of chaos and you ain't got no helmet.

We basically know more about grime than most (easy Simon Reynolds, we said MOST) of our associates because of the Rinse. OK, we can't tell what the bastard MCs are saying half the time, and almost every song has a non-stop sample of dogs barking, but that is okay. For instance, we now know what "eski" means. Do you? You dumb shit-eating Nazi. Learn! We hope to impress Ms. Chantelle Fiddy with our knowledge someday. She will love us and become our British bride. Yeah right.

The other great thing about Rinse is that the DJs run they mouths off all the time. And if you are an American from, say, Chicago, and you send them a text message big-upping them, their show, the joint they smoking, they love interest, etc. they will holler at you immediately on the air. Thousands of London radio listeners will wonder who the frickety frack Champagne James is, and how cool is it that Chicago in the heezy? Don't you want some of that action for yourself? It's all love up in here, bitches! Trust. We like to send a text at the beginning of a show so that at first we are just Champagne James in Chicago, but we multiply! Ten minutes later we are the Chicago crew, then we are the Chicago massive by end of hour one. It never fails. Don't you want to be Tulsa Oklahoma massive?

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1 comment:

Jennifer Waronker said...

Aw. I'm assuming that reference wasn't random.