Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Rappers need Chapstick.

Main news of the day: Our captain, Paul Konerko, is Pale Hose for five more years at about sixty mil. That's twelve large a year. Go buy a small island nation, Paulie! The line-up and pitching rotation as it now stands:

Pods lf
Da Gooch 2b
Paulie 1b
Thome dh
Jermaine rf
A.J. c
Crede 3b
Uribe ss
Anderson cf


El Duque or McCarthy

In the pen:
Put 'em away Marte
and the big boy closing.

What happens if we go out and get speedy Juan Pierre or something for center? Jesus, our heads will explode. It looks like the American League might spend next year kissing our asses, too. We can only hope.

Okay, official OGFP business concluded. You know what's weird? When you see a person all around the city, literally on a daily basis for some cosmic reason, at the Bottle or on the bus, and you never speak to them. You have conversed with them before, though. But, the really strange thing is that they are your Friendster and your friend on MySpace! So you've made some effort at making them part of your social circle, but then go about being totally awkward about things in real life, even sort of totally pretending they don't exist, which is mentally taxing in this hideous way and makes you feel like a social retard. Which is a bummer, seeing as your social circle these days fits in the kiddie pool: the Empty Bottle waitstaff and your roommate's cat, basically. (We used that line in an e-mail yesterday, and thought it kind of snappy. Used with permission.)

P.S. Early Man is the best band we have seen in YEARS, bitch. Last night at about 12:30 AM, as they doth verily approached stage and shredded the last remaining vestiges of our eardrums, the 16 year-old waiting to buy Testament tapes at Flipside that we once were came back into our lives and has not left yet. Welcome son! Enjoy the decreasing libido and slightly disinterested sexual politics of middle age! When your family talks to you it sounds like a foreign language! The President is a fucking bozo and your nation a box literally teeming with dildos! Intelligent Design a motherfucker!

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