Thursday, May 11, 2006

When the Blood was Red and the Lies Were Black and White

The Murphy's Law of Fantasy Baseball is that no matter who you start and who you have on the bench, the guys on the bench are going to get all the hits, homers and RBI's, and you will get no points in your league. You can start a stud like Garrett Anderson for a week of games and he'll hit a buck ten and do little more than take a few nature squats in the left field grass during Take Me Out To the Ballgame. Take him OUT of your line-up and he turns into fucking Joe DiMaggio on meth. Tonight is a perfect example. 3 RBI's against the White Sox, two hits, etc. Current OGFP Yahoo Fantasy League standings: First, Fifth, Fifth. Good news is that the Pale Hose are in First, and have the best record in the bigs. You are trembling with excitement out there with this news. Sorry.

Mere moments ago: tried to turn off the radio because the Halos just put up a three spot in the top of the Ninth to take a commanding lead over the Sox, and Jon quickly chastized us for our bad attitude. We have devotedly listened to the entire game, after all. Now the Angels are piling it on, 12-5 still in the top of the Ninth, and now Jon wants to turn off the radio and we are making fun of him for his Kerry-esque flip-flop. Hijinks are on at the Bookstore! Get the Chess Wizards down here, 'cause we fin to put on Danzig I and go a-raging!

It's cool to have two Moms. Its even cooler to have one who is a cop. (Now at least, a lot more so than when OGFP was a teenage waste bin who played N.W.A. on his stereo in his room as some sort of *statement* about having to clean the bathrooms on Saturday morning, and you know which song.) Mom #1 has half the Chicago Police Force lashed into a law enforcement frenzy over our little, uh, incident on Monday. Chiefs of Police and City Managers have called District Commandants and other powers that be. Of course, the bastard kids are going to get away with it, most likely, but it makes Mom #1 happy to be doing what she can, and a happy Mom #1 is good company policy.

We have come to grips with the fact that the RAZR is never coming back. Gone forever are the series of nude self-portraits that were going to get us a wing in the MOMA. Just kidding.

Fashion tip: Ukranian women seem to be drawn to men with hideous facial wounds. We've spent the last ten months living in a neighborhood where about 2% of the population speaks any non-Slavic language, definitely not getting smiled at by Slav-speaking women, at least those of our age group and um, casual interest. But that seems to have changed. We'll keep you updated.

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1 comment:

Jennifer Waronker said...

Seriously, OGFP-- ladies of the Eastern Bloc have always loved you.