Friday, May 19, 2006

Demons Present In Flames, Oath of Black Souls Found

Bookstore closing music last night was Immortal's umm...immortal album Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism. There were two shoppers browsing near U.S. History- General, but two minutes into "Call of the Winter Moon" the store was totes empty. Works every time.

We noticed something funny on the back of said album (CD tray version). You know how the black metal dudes always have on the white face make-up and the gauntlets with hundreds of nails on them and are carrying some kind of huge Medieval weaponry? This album is totally in that zone, except there is a dude that totally looks like he doesn't belong in the band. In fact, he looks like Ian Hunter of Mott the Hoople; poofy hair, shades, everything, and he's kind of lamely holding this pathetic looking mace and def not wearing the requisite make-up. Jon pointed this out to us, and then we kind of wondered aloud...what is it like to be the one dude in the black metal band who is only kind of half-into what is going on?

"Um dudes, you know I think the whole 'huffing dead crows' thing is real cool and all for harvesting the essential power of the animal before shows, you know, for the sake of a 'kick ass' performance, but could you, like, not do it in my girlfriend's car and then leave the corpses in the glove compartment? She was real bummed when she called me from the car wash the other day. Keep that shit in the tour van, bra."

"Hey, could you guys next time not ritually kill my brother and turn his brains into a primordal lifeforce-feeding stew that somehow honors his memory yet feeds your lust for souls? Cause, like, Mom's mellow was seriously harshed the other day. And the kitchen smelled like total ass."

"Hey dudes? Instead of burning down that four-thousand year old neo-pagan early christian church, could we just nail the White Hen in Floro instead? I hear burning Pop-Tarts and Slim Jim's together smell righteous."

In other news, key OGFP NYC associate Doug-E-Fresh is coming to town this weekend. Mosurock is always on point, and we'll be real glad to see him.

In other news, OGFP NYC associate and close longtime pal Mike has a GNR review on the Illinois Entertainer magazine website! You should totally go read it, because M. Meyer is one heck of a scribe. Go here:


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1 comment:

Mike Meyer said...

Just wanted to say that it looks like this week's Illinois Entertainer upload changed the URLs of my Guns N' Roses live review. You can currently access the article at the following links which split the review into two pieces: