Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Left the Party at 3 AM, Alone Thank God, with a Valium from the Bride

Wow. Getting mugged in broad daylight on the way to work sucks. Having your sunglasses shatter and carve a bloody line into your face from the force of a suckerpunch sucks. Getting twenty stitches under your right eye after a nice long wait in the Emergency Room sucks. Headaches that make you feel like your noggin' is a two week old orange sitting on the window sill sucks. We'd put up a picture to show you, but guess what? Someone else wanted our nice silver RAZR for themselves. Let me keep my wallet and my bag, but they just had to have that phone.

So, if we don't call you for a while, don't take it all personal like. Luckily there were some nice neighborhood folks around to help us back to our feet, call the Five- O, and maybe even be potential witnesses if it comes to that. Bookstore manager Cat totally saved the day...came by and took us to the Space Hospital on Division, stayed with us for the stitching and everything. Sorry Paul Wall, but she's the people's champ. Just do yourselves a favor and avoid Thomas between Leavitt and Oakley if you can. It's a bit salty over there.

2006 has been a real corker, folks. The White Sox are in first place, though, so things could be worse. But, damn it all. Death, disease, computer malfunction, bicycle theft, alcohol withdrawl, psychotropic drugs, assault...the entertainment at Casino OGFP keeps getting dice-ier, if you pardon the pun.

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Anonymous said...

Oh my god, J.R. I'm so sorry this happened to you. I can put together a university-style care package for you -- just let me know what kind of fruit you like in your basket. What all was lost? Is your vision OK? Get well soon. - Mike Meyer

jds said...

no more flossin' for you, eh? seriously, between the fatal hit & run you witnessed, someone pissin' in your mailslot & now this, i'm beginning to wonder if i'm really tough enough to deal with chicago thug life. a lesser man like myself would have disappeared into a large bottle of dumbass a while back. it's a testament to something or other (good choices on yr part, or the power of freemasonry?) that you haven't. here's hoping your luck turns soon...

Sarah said...

"Just do yourselves a favor and avoid Thomas between Leavitt and Oakley if you can."

That is ALMOST my block, hooker.

dexatrim said...

word to the wise. after sustaining an injury like the one you have, it is not uncommon to be fine for years, and then all of a sudden have your nose collapse or a brain hemmorrhage. i thought of that when you mentioned the headache. make sure to get some non-shady medical attention.

and i plodded through that exact area alone many a-time in all hours of the night in varying degrees of drunkenness when my manfriend lived on Evergreen and Leavitt last summer. yikes.