Tuesday, March 21, 2006

When boys were boys, girls were girls, and faces were hard to find

Photo update soon! We have some great RAZR snaps to share with you. Some over-hyped bands you'll want to see that have come through Chi-town in the wake of SXSW that feature danish girls in bad hats (and we mean girls from Daneland, not with bodies made out of pastry). Some fellow bookstore peeps holding mad crilla chedda at the end of a busy weekend shift. A real portrait of "Customer Service". A weird van we saw on a morning walk. Stuff like that. When we get some technological advancement on our side, we'll let you know what up and get all Ansel Adams in this piece. We would say Nan Goldin, but she's a talentless fat junky turd with no business being up in here. Ansel had a king hell beard and liked to snap the big Mashed Potatoe tower in Close Encounters of the Third Kind, so he's more in our tandem. Did you know S. Spielberg fucked aliens with President Reagan AND blew up 7 World Trade Center for MOSSAD? I have learned both these things in the last few days.

Finished Herzog's Wheel of Time. Pretty affecting, although we still have only the merest hint of what Buddhism actually entails after viewing 90 minutes of Werner-ian slow camera pans and lens-don't-blink close-up crowd baiting. 400,000 people praying at some huge ceremony where they make tea for each other and fight over boxes of goodies and wait for the Dali Lama (SP?) to lead them in prayers, but then he doesn't cause he gets sick but they've already made this crazy map of the inner mind with sand on a big table and it has over 700 representations of the Buddha deity and millions of colors of tiny sand shavings but it's all for naught cause the big DL himself has the flu or whatevs. Then they go up to this mountain (not Mount Hood; but I have been thinking hoods lately 'cause I'm crazy about the clitoris) that is the physical center of the Buddhist world and prostate themselves and get all crazy where some of them walk all the way some 45 miles around the whole mountain clockwise but others go counter-clockwise because their sect of the religion is older and therefore slightly crazier and they have to kneel and do a fancy push-up every third step for purposes of prayer and saving the next 12 generations of their soul from bad karma. Then they come back to their little fires made out of burning Yak dung and drink some kind of rancid butter tea, cause it's all they can carry for so long. No wonder American Christian "radicals" want to go to MegaMall churches where they go bowling and let their kids play St. Peter Orally Frustrates Donkey Kong The Video Game. Just go rent it, dick-pringle.

Herzog doesn't feel the need to talk as much here as he does in some of his other docs, which is a nice break, but also a bummer because he's so fucking loopy that even when he's deadly serious you are one inch from getting the giggles because the righteousness of what he sees as his artistic mission is so transparent, naked and needy that it just defies reason. Which is the kind of the reason he is our favorite filmmaker right now. The whole shebang also facilitated a very nice night of sleep last night. From 4:10 AM to the other side of 1:30 PM, bitch! Tuvan thorat singing will do that to you.

All right, OGFP special reader prize of the day: In order to use the Chase Bank Credit Card at Rich's Deli today, we had to buy two packages of Ferrero Rocher hazelnut chocolate things to make it over the $10 limit, since all we bought was skim milk, two 2 liters of diet soda, and some cheese/potato perogis. Since OGFP is on a massive diet program, we don't really want these chocolates tempting us with their hundreds of empty calories. We are on the two meal a day system. So, we are going to leave them in Wicker Park, on one of the park benches by the waterless fountain in the middle of the park itself, somewhere between 5:35 and 5:45 PM tonight, just a few hours from now. This is not a trick! Don't be late or you will miss out on the goodness freebies!




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4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dude: the "two meal a day plan" is a good way to slow down your metabolism and stop burning the weight which you're trying to burn. Eating more, conversely, will give you more energy and enjoyment of foods which you wouldn't have to be leaving in the park. Although, i probably wouldn't be saying so if i lived close by.

Anonymous said...

the thought of you putting chocos on the bench made me laugh for about 5 whole minutes.

jh

jds said...

i disagree with anonymous - 2 meal a day plan is the next best to 1 meal, but both of course inferior to the personal famine diet. you can't lose weight faster than by eating subway once a day and living in a car, at least in my personal experience. i don't recommend that, but getting down to 2 meals or less should do the trick in the short term. now if you want to look healthy, that's another story.

btw, thanks for summing up some of my own scattershot feelings about Herzog. watched a few of his 'features' recently and been trying to get a handle on the Werner phenom. take Grizzly Man , for example - while it was amazing in the most literal sense, it also had more moments that just made me uncomfortable - Herzog trying to be empathetic w/ the ex-girlfriend, the apparent coaching of subjects, and the ridiculous mythologizing of Grizzly Man as a modern Paul Bunyan (or something?) at the end (with Mr. Bush Pilot singing a cowboy campfire tune) all had me giggling and on the verge of calling bullshit. not sure if this new burst of productivity from der geezer is gonna withstand the test of time - how cheesy can it possibly get? maybe pretty cheesy - but who am i to deny a man his mania?

solid recommendation for 'klaus kinski: my best fiend', track that down if you haven't seen it. herzog at his ponderous best, and obviously kinski is a fascinating spectacle alone in a room.

van said...

why are you dieting JR? do you need to be. maybe i will show up secretly and photograph your readers trying to be the first to the ferrero rocher.

-v

although i guess now it's not a secret.