A Putz In the Hand Is Worth Two in the Bush

Would you like my bonechips?


Baseball is tricky, especially when, as a baseball franchise, you appear to conduct your damn business without a lick of common sense. The difference is that some franchises ride a stunning lack of logic to victory. Or despair and victory, in back-to-back seasons. White Sox fans know a few things regarding these patterns.

Omar Minyana, GM of the New York Mets, must feel like that dead Kardashian OJ lawyer Dad guy: surrounded by utter crazy. His friends were bat-shit crazy, and his kids are bat-shit crazy. After a solid half-decade of historic meltdowns, player tantrums and bad signings, it's rather surprising Minyana isn't playing keytar in a Chuck E. Cheese's Pizza Time Theatre Showband somewhere west of Tuscon.

And now come conspiracy-grade flying accusations of deception/brutal incompetence from new White Sox signee J.J. Putz regarding an elbow he injured last year last year with the Mets. Apparently, the Metsies not only DIDN'T GIVE J.J. THE STANDARD PHYSICAL, team officials told him not to disclose the severity of said injury to the media. It's not a stretch to suppose the Mets wanted to protect Putz' status as trade bait as long as they could. Or maybe, like everyone else, they just hate the New York sports media.

Anyway, the White Sox signed Mr. Putz a few months back to try and shore up their bullpen, a typical "fingers crossed/low shell-out and hope for impact" move Sox GM Kenny Williams is known for (ahem, Freddy Garcia). He's been a dominating pitcher in years past but lost his mojo last year playing in Queens. Now he's apparently made a recovery from surgery, and he's in like flynn in our pen. Yay?

Do you like me? Do you really, really like me?

Hi, friend! If you know me well, you know that I'm the manager at Myopic Books here in Chicago. If you have visited the store recently and had a good shopping experience, I'd like to ask a favor of you.

Do you have a Yelp account? If so, and you like the store, write a nice review of us, pretty please? There is a kreepy kustomer griping on our Yelp page because we kicked him out of the bookstore a few weeks ago. Why? He was using a bar code scanner on our merch, and we don't allow that for a bevy of reasons. It's sleazy, distracting to other customers, and sleazy....just general bottom-feeding. So, after refusing him his purchase, we gave him the heave-ho. Now he's made it his personal mission to make us seem like a crappy group of people. We aren't, right? This guy is bogus! He even mentions stealing from another local business that he doesn't like. We don't want people like that shopping in here, and we're usually pretty nice to people who don't try to dick us over.

So, will you help us counteract this dude's campaign of hate? Leave us a nice review on our Yelp page here, if you feel so inclined. If you hate us, that's cool too. Just don't leave a review. Kidding!

Hateful spawn "We are the chasm depths"

Hi. Are you on Twitter? I'm all over that shit like TruckNutz.

Won't you follow me?

Twitter: Jrhardcore68

Storming jackboots!

Do you have a copy of the Grinning Death's Head demo tape that I could burn? Pretty please? Hit a dude up!

Well Come On, Let the Provin' Begin

I have seen my future. I give you city rock:

Can you think of more examples? Let's get on this, people!

I made it to the rabbit zine

I actually have some new writing for you!
Go now!

Some major life changes might be afoot, people. Like maybe I can afford to go here every now and then?

"Lost Wisdom"

If you like good writing, what are you doing here? Go to this blog instead. Sam McPheeters is really good.

http://loomofruin.blogspot.com/

So hold me, mom, in your long arms. Your petro-chemical arms, your military arms, in your electronic arms.

UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**

www.Change.jr.bookstore.gov is on the way.

Short post today, longer blog about Election Night rally coming soon. Really, promise, with photos by Josh, etc. I'll stop watching the Abrams Star Trek reboot trailer and looking on the internet for photos of my future haircut, and get to work. Etc.

I hear there are some folks looking for advice about following along with Obama's political reading...and I am here to help.

Any wader boots wading into Lincoln-alia begins with his own masterful speeches and writing, and the best place to start is Right here. I have a nice Modern Library Classics hardcover copy of this volume printed in 1942. From the temperance address to the Cooper Union speech to the second inaugural, it's all here. Includes a short, serviceable biographical essay.

For a good in-depth one volume Lincoln biography, I'd recommend the David Herbert Donald, here.

The President-Elect has also been boning up on the New Deal. The best one volume jam on the Roosevelt years all things considered (recent scholarship, readability, ease of finding) is probably by David Kennedy, from the Oxford History of the United States series. Here is all the info.

Last, but not least, is what I'm reading right now. I'm probably overdoing it with a mighty three volume Depression/New Deal spectacular, but I have a hard time reigning it in sometimes. Arthur Schlesinger Jr's combo meal covers basically everything from 1919 to the eve of WWII. It's stylishly written and hums with liberal vibes. Just like the rest of the universe right now!

I do not mean to say we are bound to follow implicitly in whatever our fathers did.

So, I'm going to see Celine Dion at the United Center tonight. Should be rippin'! Got free tickets from Hopper. Thanks girl! I heard she (Celine, not Hopper) does a tits-up cover of Father Befouled's "Excrement Pastorous" on this tour, right after the Wayne/Juice Newton medley. The segue from "Danke Schoen" into "My Short and Curlies--Slowly Unfurling" must be heard to be believed!

NOT!!!!!!!!

I'm totally going to the Obama rally. As in, I got tickets up in that piece. Josh and yours truly will be in line in a few hours...he's taking the snaps, I'm providing the freaked-out nervous vibe and Rahm Emanuel bumperstickers. A comprehensive review of the night's festivities should be forthcoming soon. They are serving hot chocolate tonight the Trib reports and it's 70 degreez!?!? That shit is out to Lunchables. Oh, and did I mention that change is coming to America?

SPEAKING OF CHANGE PS I JUST JOINED NETFLIX WHAT UP WEST WING SEASON ONE WHERE MY TOBY ZIEGLER AT?!?!?!?!

No Dreams Breed In Breathless Sleep, or 4th (5th) on the list?

Unprecedented blogitude, keeping you current!

Where was I? Oh, yeah. Along with a cast and crew of thousands, I'm nominally house-shitting for next door neighbors Bob and Anne while they are getting their vaca-y on in South America. Very occasionally hanging out with their cats Steve, Charles and Chicken, and watching some free cable. Cable is terrifying. I came over this afternoon, turned on the box, and got the fear.

1) MTV's richest crib havers: a DJ I've never heard of in a house the likes of which I have never seen with a swimming pool filled with water "imported from the Bahamas". He used the term imported 3 times in the 10 seconds I viewed. I clicked over to CNN.

2) Lou Dobbs telling me that Mexicans are going to come and eat my family, steal my jobs and give me salmonella poisoning via electrified grapefruits. I clicked over to VH1.

3) I Love The Oughts. 2006? Michael Ian Black talking about Michael Vick and dogfighting and a Nelly Furtado song. Do I remember that? NO! IT WAS 3 WEEKS AGO!

TV off. That was less than 30 seconds of viewage, and I have not turned on the damn thing since. No, instead I'm reading some Howard Phillips Lovecraft in my own living room and giving blog. But just across the hall, roaring like the screaming banshees of Cthulhu, the Comcast box awaits me.