Dan Higgs for President

The Only Milkshake George Jones Ever Drank

2011-10-06T15:59:00.007-05:00

It's only been a year or so. Had you given up on me?Instead of talking about Robin Ventura being named the White Sox 38th punching bag, er, manager just minutes ago, I'll talk about my bout with the flu this week and barrage of corresponding fever dreams. The Pale Hose managerial posting seems to make just about as much sense! Flu onset: Tuesday, October 4 late PM, after Dmitry Samarov's reading

World Series Five Year Anniversary (Re-mix)

2010-10-26T11:42:00.005-05:00

Five years ago today, the White Sox won the World Series in Houston. Mike and I watched it at the United Center, and then, needless to say, I got a little nuts with the celebration, including a psychotic blog rant the morning after. I called people I hadn't spoken to since 1993. I bought multiple hats and t-shirts. Baseball. It makes us do, and say, stupid things.I spent most of the Series

Welcome Chicagoist peeps!

2010-05-14T15:53:00.003-05:00

Hi, new friends and podcast listeners. I barely update this thing anymore, but PRETTY PLEASE follow me on Twitter? You can also get at the Hit It Or Quit It podcast, and check out Gossip Wolf at the Chicago Reader for more of my insanity. Yo!

The Big Kahuna = little gills.

2010-04-08T03:12:00.008-05:00

I wrote the following piece a few years ago, for a popular radio show. It is the most personal thing I've ever written, and they ultimately passed on it. When the most personal thing you've ever written is professionally rejected, your ego suffers. Your writing skills and your very life itself seem somehow invalidated. I freaked out, and avoided writing anything for a few years. That shit

I made a fire and watching burn thought of your future

2010-03-08T01:04:00.003-06:00

So the kinda-about John Hughes thing I wrote…I found it. Another lost piece, this time for HIOQI in 2002. I was on an anti-80's kick…and who knew it would get so much worse over the years? The Faint was just the beginning, it turns out. Actually, I was on an anti-nostalgia kick. Or just a kick. This was written on the fly, "last minute for an issue that's going to press-style", so take it easy on

I don't care what you think, Unless it is about me

2010-03-07T21:48:00.002-06:00

I was just scanning Twitter updates on the Oscars, and because Molly Ringwald and Matthew Broderick were on the broadcast tonight for a memorial about John Hughes, who died this past year (a few days after Michael Jackson in fact...remember him?), I got to thinking. I didn't really mourn either one of them when they croaked, for complex personal and aesthetic reasons that are too burdensome (and

Omar Vizquel Goes Up to 11

2010-02-08T22:53:00.005-06:00

White Sox fans had to watch Omar Vizquel make nifty inning-crushing double plays for nearly a decade (1994-2004) as the perennial Gold Glove winning shortstop of the Cleveland Indians. Now we're going to get to see him do his very best impression of White Sox legend Luis Aparicio this season for the Pale Hose. Literally.The White Sox retired Aparicio's number 11 shortly after his election to the

A Putz In the Hand Is Worth Two in the Bush

2010-02-03T17:35:00.002-06:00

Would you like my bonechips?Baseball is tricky, especially when, as a baseball franchise, you appear to conduct your damn business without a lick of common sense. The difference is that some franchises ride a stunning lack of logic to victory. Or despair and victory, in back-to-back seasons. White Sox fans know a few things regarding these patterns.Omar Minyana, GM of the New York Mets, must feel

Do you like me? Do you really, really like me?

2009-06-27T12:11:00.008-05:00

Hi, friend! If you know me well, you know that I'm the manager at Myopic Books here in Chicago. If you have visited the store recently and had a good shopping experience, I'd like to ask a favor of you. Do you have a Yelp account? If so, and you like the store, write a nice review of us, pretty please? There is a kreepy kustomer griping on our Yelp page because we kicked him out of the bookstore

Hateful spawn "We are the chasm depths"

2009-06-12T00:15:00.002-05:00

Hi. Are you on Twitter? I'm all over that shit like TruckNutz.Won't you follow me?Twitter: Jrhardcore68

Storming jackboots!

2009-03-24T22:29:00.002-05:00

Do you have a copy of the Grinning Death's Head demo tape that I could burn? Pretty please? Hit a dude up!

Well Come On, Let the Provin' Begin

2009-03-24T00:45:00.003-05:00

I have seen my future. I give you city rock:Can you think of more examples? Let's get on this, people!

I made it to the rabbit zine

2009-03-03T15:12:00.002-06:00

I actually have some new writing for you! Go now!Some major life changes might be afoot, people. Like maybe I can afford to go here every now and then?

"Lost Wisdom"

2009-02-03T14:55:00.002-06:00

If you like good writing, what are you doing here? Go to this blog instead. Sam McPheeters is really good.http://loomofruin.blogspot.com/

So hold me, mom, in your long arms. Your petro-chemical arms, your military arms, in your electronic arms.

2008-11-19T17:06:00.000-06:00

UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**www.Change.jr.bookstore.gov is on the way.Short post today, longer blog about Election Night rally coming soon. Really, promise, with photos by Josh, etc. I'll stop watching the Abrams Star Trek reboot trailer and looking on the internet for photos of my future haircut, and get to work. Etc.I hear there are some folks looking for advice about following along with Obama's

I do not mean to say we are bound to follow implicitly in whatever our fathers did.

2008-11-04T15:31:00.002-06:00

So, I'm going to see Celine Dion at the United Center tonight. Should be rippin'! Got free tickets from Hopper. Thanks girl! I heard she (Celine, not Hopper) does a tits-up cover of Father Befouled's "Excrement Pastorous" on this tour, right after the Wayne/Juice Newton medley. The segue from "Danke Schoen" into "My Short and Curlies--Slowly Unfurling" must be heard to be believed!NOT!!!!!!!!I'm

No Dreams Breed In Breathless Sleep, or 4th (5th) on the list?

2008-07-02T06:20:00.003-05:00

Unprecedented blogitude, keeping you current! Where was I? Oh, yeah. Along with a cast and crew of thousands, I'm nominally house-shitting for next door neighbors Bob and Anne while they are getting their vaca-y on in South America. Very occasionally hanging out with their cats Steve, Charles and Chicken, and watching some free cable. Cable is terrifying. I came over this afternoon, turned on

Kewpie dolls and urine stalls will be laughed at the way you're laughed at now

2008-06-26T04:34:00.000-05:00

Note to our California friends: the robins are from the White Lodge, the owls are from the Black Lodge, BOB travels by electricity. It explains all the weird slow-mo shots of ceiling fans and random light flashes when things get creepy and surreal. Just a theory, but a good one, I think. I have a lot...of theories. I spent more than three months in 1990/91 thinking Deputy Andy was the killer!

All around, people looking half dead, walking on the sidewalk, hotter than a matchhead

2008-06-05T16:03:00.002-05:00

Back by popular demand...a head full of Ezra Pound...ears full of death metal demos...and a belly full of delicious, ripe pears! You know who is on the library computer now, son!Miles burned me the new Lil' Weezy record yesterday, and I'm not sure what to think. I kept waiting for blast beats and arpeggiated lydian solos that sound like horses collapsing under the strain of...being horses, but it

Do you think loud orgies of luxurious good taste can drown the moans of the tortured earth?

2008-01-24T03:45:00.000-06:00

So, about that top ten list I promised. Getting there slowly, with a few distractions. I'm about 350 pp deep into Doris Kearns Goodwin's Team of Rivals, which is a ripping yarn about...what else? Lincoln molding his political rivals into a functioning wartime "team" (aka cabinet). Big surprise, huh? Good on the Moms for setting me up with this tome for Xmas. I never fail to be impressed by Old

Winter 2008 AKA Love in the Time of Hypothermia

2008-01-18T02:48:00.000-06:00

Yes friends, it is the *official* derogatory theme/name of the new season. Do you have any? Do you remember the Summer of Forgiveness 2007? The Winter of Our Disconnect 2005? Anyway, ideas for this year: pass em along...may they spread our cheer. Or cheer our spreads.Speaking of spreads, I cut my own bangs today in our dimly lit bathroom. I did a pretty good job. I still look like a blown out

Wife: (13 Wives)

2007-12-07T04:07:00.000-06:00

Two posts in two days! Sit back, relax, fire up the blogtinis...Am I freaking you out?Today was pretty much the perfect day off. Woke up around 1 PM, went thrifting with Hopper shortly thereafter. She marched me around the Ark mens' and womens' sections both, making me try on every dubious sweater and oversized dress shirt we came across, which was plenty, like in the hundreds. If she had her way

I am waiting for someone to really discover America and wail.

2007-12-05T03:54:00.000-06:00

And just like that, we are back.So fire up a colortini, sit back, relax, and watch the pictures now as they fly through the air.I've always wanted to say that. You know Tom Snyder died not too long ago? Do you want to know more? Tom Snyder gave great TV. Sure, the famous interviews are classics: John Lydon...when Wendy O. Williams sledgehammered a TV set...Charles Manson. But I remember watching

Liberty, sir, was the primary object.

2007-05-29T02:20:00.001-05:00

Big news: Robin (the umbrella lady; link to your right) and Ian are the proud parents of America's newest and best ever Memorial Day weekend baby, Max. Word on the street is that Max is pretty fat, still in diapers, and already ruling it. More information/pictures as they become available.It is public knowledge that I am indeed the world's worst gift buyer/giver. I had the brilliant idea that we

And these are his words. He held up a chunk of rock. He speaks in stones and trees, the bones of things.

2007-04-29T04:12:00.000-05:00

Part of this is from a few days past, so sue a dude:Cold and rainy day out, hopefully the last burp/fart of winter. Probably not, but we can hope. Just bumpin' to the Rinse FM and keeping it on lock at the Wicker Park/ Bucktown CPL branch. What are you up to?Did you see Mark Buehrle's no-hitter the other night? Totally 100% sweet. Caught a bit of it on the radio...thought Ed Farmer was going to

Watch Maximilien Robespierre Throw Some D's

2007-03-23T05:31:00.000-05:00

Those of you out there Google-ing for: "mouth cupcake chasing Wicker Park""incapacitants t-shirts""ugly ozzie guillen children photos""merry go round called denial""attention deficit disorder adult romance""alexander haig you have the army"in the last 48 hours or so, welcome to the blog! All this and more in the archives. I would blog more, but I'm devoting all avail free time far and away

She used my name to talk in another way that I wanted to know

2007-03-14T05:34:00.000-05:00

Two months! I know you're hanging on every word, chuckles. Thanks for sticking around.Big news: probably no Yahoo Fantasy Baseball league participation this summer. Can it be true? Yes. I keep bitching about not having a functioning computer of my own to love and cherish, but then I keep realizing that I don't give a rat's hairy raisin sac if I'm on the internet for more than 15 minutes a day or

Wretched is he who looks back upon lone hours in vast and dismal chambers with brown hangings

2007-01-16T05:01:00.000-06:00

Sometimes you look back over a message that you just sent and think, huh, maybe I should have kept that to myself."I decided to read some H.P. Lovecraft tonight, and I doubt I will sleep for several days. More soul-blasting fright than I thought humanly possible, esp. that I just got this experimental black metal CD by Prurient and have been listening on repeat to what sounds like millions of

You Were at the Gigantic Spree, I Caught a Glimpse Now it Haunts Me

2007-01-11T03:51:00.000-06:00

2007 started off with not a bang, but a whimper. The whimper was me realizing that I have been on earth for close to 33 years and I have little to show for myself but an ever-growing collection of black metal CDs and a handful of Bone Awl demo cassettes. Oh, well. Go get your gauntlets on a copy of Satyricon's Dark Medieval Times tomorrow and join me in my splendid Mount Lair Seven Leagues above

I Am the Beast In Passionate Pain, I am the Grim Being of the Highlands

2006-12-22T03:43:00.000-06:00

Boy, if you missed Zoroaster and Nachtmystium (spelled it right on the first try!) at the Bottle tonight, you are king heck bumming. Gauntlets up! Why metal shows at the Bottle rule:1) Smoke machines from the stage combine with Pot Haze everywhere to make the entire place a morbid, snack-fetishizing zone. My coat collar smelled like it had been born in the prop closet during the shooting of

If all you want to do sometimes is sleep, you may well be involved in a co-dependent relationship

2006-12-02T12:44:00.000-06:00

Movie night! Whenever I get kinda bummed or too seasonally affected, I go to the multiplex and waste a whole evening on bad cinema. I've probably written about this recent phenomena of my empty life several times, but okay. Nothing makes me feel better about myself than rotten Hollywood fare or seeing yuppie couples (she in Uggs, he in Bears hat) on uncomfortable dates. AMC 21 on Illinois St.

Post Coitum Omne Animal Tristis Est

2006-10-31T14:43:00.000-06:00

Halloween, costumes, trickery...heck, even slutty Rainbow-Brites aren't that interesting anymore. Actually, the slutty Rainbow-Brites can be kind of interesting, at least in the lizard part of the brain with a shine for misanthropic sexual terpschiore. But the rest of Halloween isn't really. I'm probably a dry sourpuss, yes. I've never been "into" costumes or role-playing or any of that shit,

Ben Franklin Was the Original Raw Dog

2006-10-09T14:27:00.000-05:00

We have one customer at the store that the Dude can't abide. (The Dude being me, and not Lloyd Bridges, Jr.)(Although I'm more the Sam Elliott type, I'd imagine.)(Or hope to be. More than the John Turturro type, anyway.)He's a weird shifty stoner burb bra, always wears a purple shirt, Umbro shorts circ '94 mormon teen recovery summer camp, filthy mock Burberry slippers and no socks come rain or

You may never get to touch the Master, but you can tickle his creatures.

2006-10-09T13:55:00.000-05:00

Shit is real M.I.A. 'round here, and I don't mean the Sri Lankan singer or RAMBO. Actually, I do mean RAMBO. Anyway. It happens. I forget about the blog, or just don't feel like it most days. But, I'll try more in the future. Especially because Ozzie gets linked, and people seem to read it. Still. Which mystifies me. Because you could be listening to Tim Kinsella right now, bathing in the

2006-10-03T14:47:00.000-05:00

Wow. I just lost a pretty decent post on this crappy library computer. Sometimes you have to take a sign from above and just not try. Peace out. "> (<$BlogItemCommentCount$>) comments

What are the stars but points in the body of God where we insert the healing needles of our terror and longing?

2006-09-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

Just got wind of this in the new Penguin Books Catalog the other day. It is called Against The Day. And I quote:"Spanning the period between the Chicago World's Fair of 1893 and the years just after World War I, this novel moves from the labor troubles in Colorado to turn-of-the-century New York, to London and Gottingen, Venice and Vienna, the Balkans, Central Asia, Siberia at the time of the

We're comic. We're all comics. We live in a comic time. And the worse it gets the more comic we are.

2006-08-26T13:18:00.000-05:00

The reading at Quimby's last night was a blast, the best one I've seen yet. Don't miss the next Orphan Schlitz Reading Series (AKA Ready Set Relapse), because it's better than, like, Saturday Night Live. I'm not sure when the next one is, but go bug Logan since he's the only person I know real well that works there. And buy one of his Booty CD's while you are at it. The man mixes mighty.Hearty

Letter from the Recently Indoctrinated, Part I

2006-08-22T12:40:00.001-05:00

Dear Grandma Moses--Summer bookstore camp is going great! The six corners (Milwaukee, Damen, North) are awash in art-school thunder. On Sunday night, Jon and I heard an advance recon of the Flat Iron Building Hair Cavalry banging on pots and pans and shouting slogans about their culturally isolated critical responses re: consumerism and low-wattage energy alternatives (we think) through old

Crucial point one day becomes a crime

2006-08-16T13:35:00.000-05:00

Yesterday, at the end of my post, I asked if I had turned into "David Debby", which I'm sure led to some head scratching out there. I meant David Denby, the New Yorker film critic, but this seems like a fruitful mistake. Maybe I'll become a cross-dressing Pauline Kael of the oughts, with a name that means nothing to noone. Worth about half of one of Roger Ebert's tumors.And then I'll join Robin

They were going to make me a major for this and I wasn't even in their fucking army anymore

2006-08-15T14:26:00.000-05:00

Since seeing it in the theatre Friday night (before World Trade Center....after Talladegah Nights), I've been mildly obsessed with the teaser trailer for Marie Antoinette. Certainly New Order's "Age of Consent" has something to do with it. The full trailer ups the ante with Gang of Four's "Natural's Not In It", which is rather odd to hear pouring out of a Dolby Surround Sound system at a huge

A squat black telephone, I mean an octopus

2006-08-10T13:31:00.000-05:00

New killer bookstore prank, as perfected last night by Jon...Near the bike racks on sidewalk at the front of the store, place a perfectly mint box for recent-era iMac G4 laptop contaning, in fact, one new Chicago phonebook, the big fat yellow pages one, securely within foam packaging so it does not jiggle around, emblazoned with a post-it note advising "SUCKER" in big black magic marker. The

Chicken and chips and cider bread, Silicon Chips inside her head

2006-08-05T13:59:00.000-05:00

16 minutes remaining on the library computer, so I'll make this snappy.Scott C., booking magnate and fellow baseball freak, told me the other night at the Bottle (Headache City killed it, Ponys brought some dece clatter and by Art Brut it was so hot the spaces inbetween fingers were sweating) that OGFP has sounded "too angry" lately. Sorry. Now that the weather in Chi-Boggie permits a semblance

Who hid in traitor grass their cunning cord may catch me as I pass.

2006-07-28T10:16:00.000-05:00

I can't believe I was up before 9:30 AM today. My mouth still has that sour Lunesta taste. Welcome to the world of the (not so) heavily medicated! Last night on Coast To Coast AM With George Noory was a real doozy, folks. Majestic 12 documents....greys and yellows....alien autopsies at Wright-Patterson Air Force Base, Air Force Colonels under suicide watch. Pretty amazing.We have little other

In the Sky, Lord, In The Sky

2006-07-26T14:03:00.000-05:00

I know you hate me for never updating this thing. Sorry. Really. It's just....it's nice outside. Deep breath. Go get an iced tea and leave the internet to the deep hornballs. Stay up 'til 4 AM so you can listen to BBC Morning Update every night like I do, and get your news that way. Who needs email? I don't. The only email I've gotten in the last two weeks is junk mail from JennysoHORNY2008 about

"I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but 44% of marriages end in divorce. And they're the lucky ones."

2006-07-12T15:29:00.000-05:00

Your host just ordered a pair of "ice" colored Sperry Top Siders from an internet firm, due to arrive later this week from a warehouse in Kentucky. I am stoked and impatient for them to arrive. White non-sneakered shoes are worn by either preachers and pimps, and not many in betweeen. People feel free to comment often about white shitkickers. Rock a pair of gleaming tooth-hued 100% fake snakeskin

Direction: Pleiades

2006-07-12T02:41:00.000-05:00

At the bookstore tonight we had the All-Star Game on the radio, and it was very hard to concentrate on the mundane bookstore tasks (overstock) when Paul Konerko and the American League stars were rallying to an inevitable 3-2 victory over the Nationals in the late innings at PNC in Pittsburg. I'm always proud when White Stockings are heavy repping in the midsummer classic. 2nd half of the 2006

That buck that bought a bottle could've struck the lotto

2006-07-07T13:39:00.000-05:00

Ukranian Village no longer sounds like Beirut circa 1983. Last night it still smelled like a wet Wisconsin fireworks emporium, but the automatic weapon pop-pop-pops were all gone, as were the stumbling drunken burn-unit victims to be. Thank goodness. Five days in a row of low-grade munitions displays and the weird Eastern Euro/Puerto Rico fashion diaspora had me sitting in a corner of Casa

Video: Putin Kisses Boy's Stomach -- As Astonished Crowd Looks On

2006-06-28T14:39:00.000-05:00

I love the Drudge Report. Sometimes it makes me want to commit seppuku in the corner bathroom of a very public place, but I still read it every day. I have no idea how the internet works anymore, apart from my fantasy baseball teams. 2nd, 4th and 11th place, in order of importance. I still want to carve my initials into Ann Coulter's skull, though.P.S. Last week saw Al Gore's environmental flick,

First you think your fortune's lovely

2006-06-19T18:28:00.000-05:00

Reading tonight at the Quimby's. It starts in about 25 minutes, actually. The Copy Max, where I'm at now, is the place to go when all the public libraries are full of computer users. Right across the street from the bookstore on Milwaukee near the six corners of ass. This dude at the computer to my left (#6) is freaking out because a paper he wrote for a class is missing in the hard-drive and

Not charioted by Bacchus and his pards, But on the viewless wings of Poesy

2006-06-12T13:27:00.000-05:00

Eckhart Park Library smells like chlorine 'cause there is a big pool here. I used to work for a computer place right across the street...and spent a few years there in various positions of "responsibility". It was the best money I ever made, by far, but in retrospect I integrated myself into the new economy of the early oughts by being incredibly skilled at slacking, most of all. I was laid off

They go down to the lake of fire and fry; Won't see 'em again till the Fourth of July

2006-06-06T02:50:00.000-05:00

Dog days of summer, hoo boy. They are here. Actually, this week has been overwhelmingly pleasant, Chicago weather-wise. You can't ask for better than mid-70's with few clouds and minimum humidity. So we'll count our lucky stars.White Sox eeked out a slim win against the division leading Tigers of Detroit earlier tonight at the Cell. No, we were at the bookstore. But we were with the south side

Have you seen my wig around? I feel naked without it.

2006-06-01T12:33:00.000-05:00

Opportunity of a lifetime, just missed!Last night the new Dave Navarro/ Stephen Perkins vehicle (ahem) The Panic Channel played at the Double Door, and their stupid, giant tour bus was in our precious loading zone for 5 hours or so. And with about 30 hoochie-goth suburban community college chicks and plenty of goth/hoodrat yet gender-unidentified fellow dude grovelers in tow, annoyance factor

Daschunds and St. Bernards Going Mad in my Front Yard Big and Small

2006-05-24T14:23:00.000-05:00

White Sox are sitting on thirty wins and Buehrle takes the bump tonight against the A's from the Bay. Should be "choice". Too bad we're due to be working or we'd be on the south side rooting away for our boys. Looks like rain, anyway.Current fantasy baseball standings: third, third, third. At least we are first division in all three leagues, but we'd rather be kicking more ass. Hard to do with no

Pieced Up, Creased Up, Dressed for Success

2006-05-20T12:38:00.000-05:00

Not too much time to blog; at the library peckin' quick and it's freaking amazing out! Summer. Who saw the mighty wallop the White Sox placed on the Cubby Bears yesterday? Buerhle had shit on cruise control...Pods and Iguchi had Maddux sweating bullets, and the usual Thome Tater sealed it up. 6-1. Hopefully Pale Hose will be administering more discipline on the North Side 9 this afternoon. Go Sox

Demons Present In Flames, Oath of Black Souls Found

2006-05-19T12:48:00.000-05:00

Bookstore closing music last night was Immortal's umm...immortal album Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism. There were two shoppers browsing near U.S. History- General, but two minutes into "Call of the Winter Moon" the store was totes empty. Works every time.We noticed something funny on the back of said album (CD tray version). You know how the black metal dudes always have on the white face make-up

OGFP Phone Update

2006-05-17T12:56:00.000-05:00

Yes, the phone works again.312.375.6165.Bitches. "> (<$BlogItemCommentCount$>) comments

You don't eat, you don't work, you don't grind, you don't shine

2006-05-16T14:33:00.000-05:00

There are far too few joyous, triumphant (SP?) experiences in life that chance bestows upon us. Everyone has their faves. Here are ours:1) Sucking titties. (Duh. Never gets old. Big, small, saggy, jouncy, whatever. Ask any man. Unless we are related to you, we love 'em.)2) Really good burritos. (The Carne Asada with everything on it at the big La Pasadita on Ashland is as close to culinary heaven

Rise the erudite and pentient to sky and to send.

2006-05-14T02:10:00.000-05:00

Saturday night shift at the bookstore. Not much happening. Since it started raining, the nutters have been staying away.Good, 'cause we've been blasting the new OM record at teutonic levels. And the Black Lips latest. And Mike Jones, Screwed and Chopped by Micheal "5000" Watts. Swisha House! 10% Sleep 90% Grind. You know how we do.Aborted DJ session at Tuman's last night. Total equipment failure

When the Blood was Red and the Lies Were Black and White

2006-05-11T02:55:00.000-05:00

The Murphy's Law of Fantasy Baseball is that no matter who you start and who you have on the bench, the guys on the bench are going to get all the hits, homers and RBI's, and you will get no points in your league. You can start a stud like Garrett Anderson for a week of games and he'll hit a buck ten and do little more than take a few nature squats in the left field grass during Take Me Out To

Left the Party at 3 AM, Alone Thank God, with a Valium from the Bride

2006-05-09T01:39:00.000-05:00

Wow. Getting mugged in broad daylight on the way to work sucks. Having your sunglasses shatter and carve a bloody line into your face from the force of a suckerpunch sucks. Getting twenty stitches under your right eye after a nice long wait in the Emergency Room sucks. Headaches that make you feel like your noggin' is a two week old orange sitting on the window sill sucks. We'd put up a picture

The martyred sun is discovered by Aries, a fellow craftsman

2006-05-02T02:26:00.000-05:00

Whew! Almost a whole week...sorry about the hiccup.Not too much interesting has been happening around OGFP HQ, anyway. Lots of reading, thinking and stinking. You know the drill.If you haven't read Sir Philip Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy yet (The Golden Compass, The Subtle Knife and The Amber Spyglass) do yourself a favor. OGFP has a pretty strict policy regarding not wasting our time and

Moods are for cattle and for loveplay

2006-04-26T02:14:00.000-05:00

Bookstore 3rd floor is chock full of chess wizards right now. A little warm weather, and presto! In they come, ordering pizzas from Dominos, arguing Fischer-ian strategy, bombing and strafing the bathroom with hideous regularity, complaining about upstairs smokers or is that smell cat pee I'm allergic to it and how the coffee tastes, weirding out shoppers and chowing on chex mix like they

You want to blow my book sales in Europe?

2006-04-25T21:06:00.000-05:00

Current fantsay league baseball standings: Fourth out of 11, First out of 10, second out of 18. Thome and Konerko have chilled a bit. Brian Hawpe, Austin Kearns (?!) and Moises Alou are hot to trot. As in around the bases. Hittin' lots of 'taters. Nice work Ol' Pee Hands! Keep it up.White Sox are still atop the AL Central, even though Seattle punked them in the bottom of the 11th inning last

Mudbloods and murmurs

2006-04-20T00:14:00.000-05:00

You know it is summertime when the OGFP editorial board hastily decided during the dinner break tonight to purchase a copy of Dre's "The Chronic" CD/DVD combo and then pump it from the bookstore speakers very loudly while supping on crazy hot noodles and tom kha khai soup from Penny's. People think the Booksto' can't get crunk. WRONG.We also have a new loading zone parking spot on Milwaukee Ave.

Human contact, over my head, Make sense of your opinion

2006-04-17T23:16:00.000-05:00

Wilderness last night at the Bottle was one of the best live bands of the century. We would say more, but you missed them, so you lose. We'll have pictures for you eventually.Best Google searches of the week that led web-surfers to this blog: (which we are not making up)1) "horse pisses"2) "cowboy equipment underwear" (from someone in Cheyenne, Wyoming, natch)3) "open gaping assholes" (why not

Fast cars, Fine Ass, These Things, Will Pass

2006-04-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

Happy Easter, douches! Two chocolate lamb cakes have been eaten today, courtesy of Alliance Michelle. Now we feel kind of sick and oversugared. She is the other Myopic Michelle that we mentioned before. We have two Michelles; the other is Tuff Michelle who has lots of tats and only works Saturday afternoons and is a real lioness about the cash register and has pants tighter than shellac on 78s

The tiny cuts in your skin They let a little fresh air in

2006-04-11T19:51:00.000-05:00

Bookstore associates can deal with what you are buying. Deep into White Power music of the 1980s? 14th Century torture gear? Whatevs, Jack. Some purchase combinations do raise eyebrows, however.Pale, slightly mushy-looking male, age somewhere in mid-forties. Hair dyed obviously black. "The Magic of Sex", "The Good Vibrations Guide to the G Spot", "101 Nights of Grrreat Romance" and about ten

Gin my cotton and sell my seed, Gonna give my baby everything she need.

2006-04-10T20:55:00.000-05:00

Quick as a bunny updates are the new shining path we walk at OGFP. We promise lots of in-depth meaty stuff when we come back topside. In the meantime, some facts you might be interested in:1) Little Debbie Fudge Rounds are the shiznit. Oatmeal Cremes are not too bad. We have not had OCs since the many C.L. hours spent at the Meyer home, Nintendo and Lawrence Taylor, etc. The good old days.2) New

Now these blues, blues ain't nothing, Lord, but a doggone hungry spell.

2006-04-06T22:07:00.000-05:00

Blogging at work is dangerous. Especially in these tempestuous times at the bookstore, so we are making this especially brief. All the computers at Casa Borracho are currently on the fritz, so posts for the next little while might be on the cheap. As in not too doggone often. Internet cafe, neighborhood Chicago Public Library outpost, here we come. Our fantasy league baseball teams are taking

Entertain by picking brains, Sell my soul by dropping names

2006-04-04T01:38:00.000-05:00

For those of you who like reading fleshy and, uh, salty prose of a humorous and Id-rich variety, word is that Hookers On Stilts (AKA our blogging Twin Cities cohort and Attorney, Britt Lindsay Esq.) is back on the menu. Please click on the link to your right where her name appears, and ZAP! Internet magic will take over and entertainments galore will sustain you. We are lazy, lazy bloggers and

A slight amount makes every man his own Napoleon.

2006-04-03T14:58:00.000-05:00

10-4, Sox hammer the Tribe on opening night. Thome hits a monster 2-run tater, 431 feet into the the teeth of the rain and the wind to right, continuting his insane spring. Dye goes 3-3, Brandon McCarthy (otherwise known as the 6th starter) goes 3 perfect innings to shut down the Cleveland nine. The game started at 7:05 PM and ended at just after 2 AM, due to rain delays and hail the size of snow

Who hated you in high school that wouldn't love you for your liver now?

2006-04-01T23:06:00.000-06:00

Old friends in from out of town, a few shows at the Empty Bottle, lots of working at the bookstore, and some general muckity-mucking around. We've been so busy it hurts. And the sleeping in until 1 PM doesn't help. There simply aren't enough hours in the day. Work today was a motherfucker, too. It's spring, and Myopic was packed full of book sellers and rectal smellers from 11 AM on. Egads, the

The past is gone, it went by like dust to dawn

2006-03-28T03:12:00.000-06:00

The official OGFP stance re: birthdays, especially of a personal nature, is decidedly anti. Your birthday is fine. Whatever you want to do, big nuts. Go get your frosty mug plastered and your brain trauma on. About 32 years ago, at this very hour, our mother was in labor, so we should at least celebrate her efforts. Applause, Mom! Thanks for pushing back in '74. But we hate birthdays. We aren't

Where does an animal sleep when the ground is wet? Cows in the ballroom, chicken in the farmer's Corvette.

2006-03-24T02:07:00.000-06:00

Snow, goddamned snow. All in our eyes on the bikeride home from work. Lincoln hates the snow. Hates any weather, actually. An $8.50 pack of cigarettes. A $1 ginger ale at the Rainbo. Princess and Cocoa chasing each other around Casa Borracho in circles like some fucking endless Warner Brothers cartoon. The annoying ones about the Woodchucks.Last night, some bozo got anxious on us 'cause we were

When boys were boys, girls were girls, and faces were hard to find

2006-03-21T14:51:00.000-06:00

Photo update soon! We have some great RAZR snaps to share with you. Some over-hyped bands you'll want to see that have come through Chi-town in the wake of SXSW that feature danish girls in bad hats (and we mean girls from Daneland, not with bodies made out of pastry). Some fellow bookstore peeps holding mad crilla chedda at the end of a busy weekend shift. A real portrait of "Customer Service".

You're the devil, you're half empty now, my marmalade

2006-03-18T20:21:00.000-06:00

Dirtbombs and especially Black Lips were tre bitchin' at the Bottle last night. Sold out, natch. Mick Collins had a t-shirt on that said Single Coil, and he can sure rip some leads on that geeetar. He didn't take off his Ray-Bans the entire time, which lets you know he was serious. Noone peed on our door, either. Black Lips are four messy looking kids from ATL GA who had an off-tune half-British

Watch out where the huskies go

2006-03-14T15:21:00.000-06:00

To the dickstalk who used our front door as a urinal last night during or after the show at the Bottle: thanks for getting it right into the mail slot, too! We really didn't need that electric bill or issue of the New Yorker we had been wating for. It must be reassuring to know that no matter how drunk you are your aim is still impeccible!And if we catch you doing it again, we will follow you

Steamroller action crushing all, Victim is your name and you shall fall

2006-03-14T02:02:00.000-06:00

Monday nights at the bookstore are Jazz Night. Every Monday some jazz or improv folk come in and lay some noise smoke for a few 'hood toe-tappers and ring-a-ding-dings with bad dreads and some facial scuzz. Usually we can deal. We are doing fiction overstock in the stacks with Edward Francis Esq. (otherwise known as the proprietor of Crazyman Records on Division near the Cut-Throat and Wendy's)

With my two fists of iron and I'm going nowhere

2006-03-12T03:03:00.000-06:00

Like a piece of driftwood, we feel unmoored and anchorless on the weekend nights. It's not a bad feeling to see the stumbling St. Paddy's drunks, or four people on a scooter dangerously weaving down Division like a deadly screaming missle of toussled skirts and cowboy boots, or the art school couple all in white leaving their last party of the night, leaning into each other like old people

Days just wave goodbye as they ride in tonight

2006-03-07T12:34:00.000-06:00

Wow! We've never seen the level of critical/intellectual engagement at OGFP as we did yesterday re: our post about Victory Records and the Smoking Popes and our teenhood wasteoid years. The OGFP editorial board has decided we are not done drudging after all, so we've invited the Army Corps of Engineers, Northern Illinois Suburban Division, to help us pull up a little bit more muck from the valley

Getting her mail In an old bathrobe Without any makeup Without any shoes

2006-03-06T12:54:00.000-06:00

So due to Hopper's ongoing and v. dilligent Victory Records streetteam expose, we started to tool around the ol' Victory website today, just taking a peep around. And what to our wondering eyes should appear? A new Smoking Popes live DVD and CD? Gawd. We heard about them playing the Flower Booking anniversary show at the Metro a few months back and fervently hoped that sleeping dog would lie.

All dressed up like a well-kept grave

2006-03-03T21:34:00.000-06:00

Alcohol never seems funnier than when you are having absolutely nothing to do with it. (Yes, this is one of those posts.) In our weekly bout of thrifting we found a hilarious book of scenes and lines from W.C. Fields movies. Now, we've never even seen a W.C. Fields movie, although we hear the Bank Dick is a roarer. But cultural syntax can tell us basically what they are all about. W.C. is an

And as he staggered through the gate A lassie came just one day too late

2006-03-03T14:00:00.000-06:00

Day 15 of the great stone sober experiment. To answer your question, no. We have not been on a bender. Keep up the faith! Sometimes our current technological situation gets a bit screwy around Casa Borracho and it's hard for us to post to Blogger. For instance, no photos from the Razr can we put up on this blog.We have lots of photo updates coming real soon, though:-Bookstore puppies. We don't

The tremendous fact for every one of us is that we have discovered a common solution

2006-02-25T01:29:00.000-06:00

Day 8 of sobriety, and it is officially no longer interesting. It blows, truly. The physical part is nice. We aren't a shaking, stinking, shitting drunk. Just a brooding, recovering one. We feel better. We look better, we think, although none of the women at the bars we went to tonight paid us any mind whatsoever. Sitting at the bar drinking Sprites and Ginger Ales, tapping your toes to the DJ,

Factory smog is a sign of progress

2006-02-21T12:32:00.000-06:00

Sobriety is INTERESTING. We're going on our 5th day, if you are counting. That is at least a five year record. No shit shinola.Last night your correspondents went down to the Empty Bottle to scan the set by the Watchers, and all we drank was three v. cold Sprites, on the rocks, with lemon. We didn't get charged for the Sprites, which was nice. We did have to take a few mighty horse-pisses in the

Was it a vision, or a waking dream? Fled is that music:—do I wake or sleep?

2006-02-19T13:54:00.000-06:00

Hey! Put our last dark post aside. We're really feeling much better, future hopeful, the works. When we get back to town on Monday, watch out. We got 10 hours of "real sleep" last night!?! And we have spent most of the weekend watching LOST and getting totally obsessed. It's all about the numbers! But how? We aren't planning on going to conspiracy websites to check into theories, but if you have

What made Milwaukee famous has made a loser out of me

2006-02-18T18:42:00.000-06:00

We just had a really long rumination accidentally deleted on our parent's computer. It expounded on the way an ice cold Ketel One martini tastes when it hits the back of your throat and you already have an olive in your mouth, the way stringy ropes of blood look in a pool of your tea green vomitus, about how when the real vomiting starts you can physically feel your stomach squeeze itself out

Things have taken a turn for the delicious. Like you'd baked a cake with frosting and cough drops.

2006-02-06T13:08:00.000-06:00

Bookstore crazies. You want to hear all about the medicated safari that is the bookstore at night. And you will. Starting now.Fozzy Bear comes in several times a week, sometimes during the day even, but usually late at night. He is a genial, jolly man of about 55 or 60. And he is one of the main reasons for the small sign at the front register that says "No Gibberish". It is one of OGFP's main

It's your prayer and how, Standing here now you wash over me

2006-02-03T23:05:00.000-06:00

You will note that we haven't been updating the blog as much recently. That is because laziness has overtaken us. Laziness! Too much sleeping, too much time with the newspaper, too much time at the video store. We left the house for about 30 minutes in toto today, to refill the prescription for heart medicine, and to stop for dinner at Burger King. Have you had the Cheesy Chicken Sandwich? Holy

There’s only room for one and here she comes, here she comes

2006-02-02T14:16:00.000-06:00

Photo day! Humboldt Park street art:It is illegal to take pictures in the bookstore, but we are special:Due to our new schedule, lots more extra-cirricular late night activity has been happening. Our rocker friends have been freaking this shit for years, avoiding the 9 to 5. We are glad to join them. Noah at the Bottle, racking them up:Coming soon: more prose. ">

There will be peace on mounds of teeth

2006-01-30T13:02:00.000-06:00

It is just about 1 PM, CST. This morning we got up when we damn well felt like it, right about 10:45. A vision passed before our eyes of our office life we have left behind. We had a picture of our old desk lined up to show you, but this old computer we are working on from home doesn't understand much in the way of technology, and we can't seem to put a picture up on Blogger. And our real

We're heading for Venus (Venus), And still we stand tall

2006-01-27T11:28:00.000-06:00

Four 1/2 hours left. Not that we are getting misty or anything, but we keep seeing things that have reminded us of why we do actually like the Loop a little bit. There is that feeling you get when you come back from being out of town, where you had just started to miss home like the dickens even though you've been gone only a few days, and you are driving in from the expressway back from O'Hare

Third place is you're fired.

2006-01-26T13:28:00.000-06:00

Blurry Pelican mid-shred:Dark snap of Sweet Cobra raging:Yes, we whiled away another night at the Bottle. 4 days in a row! Can you blame us? It was a metal avalanche. It was also very loud. God bless ear plugs. We have been going to shows since 1992, and our ears have suffered many musical pluckers mashing away. Constant ringing, like white noise-style for the last few years. Which shows really

Shut your mouth 'cause its a hype thing

2006-01-25T14:40:00.000-06:00

Friday is our last day working in the Loop, hopefully for a good long while. We're getting out just in time. We've begun a massive work withdrawl program consisting of Google Earth, SNL skits on YourTube.com, IMing people on different continents, Google Earth-ing their locations, water cooler breaks, text messaging British pirate radio DJs, texting our Moms, obsessively checking our MySpace

She liked manhattans, they taste like mouthwash

2006-01-25T09:27:00.000-06:00

Last night at the Bottle (yes, again) was sweet. First of all, Che Arthur is back in town for a spell from his new home in Austin TX, and he brought some sweet acoustic tunes with him. A tad depressing subject-wise, but cuts are mad pretty, and Che has a great voice which booms heartily. Even if you weren't a big fan of Atombombpocketknife, check him out when he hits your town.Next, after another

What could you say as the earth gets further and further away, Planets as small as balls of clay?

2006-01-24T10:36:00.000-06:00

Cold getting dumb at the Bottle last night. On the menu: Hopper's Paddington Bear-esque outfit. Moderate crush discussions. A Swedish disco band called Aluminum Babe. Cheese tamales laced with forbidden meat. A deal with the Wound Up crew to get mad heaps of fried chicken soon. With the wife's permission, of course. A Tundra, who were kind of a Joan Of Arc free-rock type of thing. Pretty dece.

Retreat without fear, conquer without force

2006-01-23T10:06:00.000-06:00

Baby pictures! We were formally introduced to Ethan Tohma Tucker on Saturday afternoon. Of course we took plenty of snaps. There are more (and better quality) pictures linked off Josh's website. Click to your right -------->Anyway, without further ado:Megumi (Mom) and Ethan.Nate (Dad) and EthanYawn!Josh and Ethan.Making a face!Sleep. "> (<$BlogItemCommentCount$>

Free Jah Jah Children

2006-01-20T09:26:00.000-06:00

Man, having a camera phone makes it really easy to be Mr. Lazy McBlog Blog 3000. See what we mean? Wouldn't you rather have a picture of super-friends Adrienne and Jon doing Tarot readings?Or, how 'bout a random photo of Werner Herzog with a bear in the background? How'd that be?Everybody's favorite flaming cowboy with Coast to Coast AM weirdo Art Bell?How about the next book we plan on sinking

Don't get excited, you've been invited to a quiet storm

2006-01-19T10:16:00.000-06:00

So, we're a little too tired to do much writing around here today. How about a photo gallery?The Empty Bottle, Sunday afternoon. Drinking buddy Art to our left, bloody mary en route.CBOT from middle of LaSalle and Madison.66 bus, going home. Remarkably uncrowded.Grey Michigan Ave.Roberto Clemente High School at Western and Division. "> (<$BlogItemCommentCount$>)

Glow worms show the path we have to tread, dreamers we should be asleep in bed

2006-01-18T10:13:00.000-06:00

We have always wanted a tattoo or two or three. Yes, our flesh is virgin, we hate needles with a passion and aren't too keen on the feeling described by OGFP associates of our flesh ripping apart in the ink deposit process. But we've seen lots of tattoos that we thought were incredibly boss-a-roni, and have a few ideas for our own, a few of which we'd like to vet for you here:--various Chicago